Why does everybody keep calling it that?
by Poppelchen
Summary: An April Fools' prank of Trixie has unexpected consequences. Maze can't stop laughing. (ETA: Erratic and unreadable formatting fixed. Hopefully)


„Wait, you told Chloe?", asked Maze incredulously. „After all that happened with Linda and you go and tell Chloe?!" She was almost shouting

„Well, not so much 'told' as...accidentally revealed myself to her in a way she couldn't possibly explain away", corrected Lucifer pedantically. „After all I've been 'telling' her that I'm the devil for well over a year now but until yesterday the detective never believed me" Maze crossed her arms and sucked in a long, sharp breath, her fingers clawing into an arm in an effort not to strangle Lucifer.

„You showed her your devil face?", she inquired, forcing herself to stay calm. „I thought you'd lost it." „I did and nope, it's not back", he answered and shook his head. „Still gone, no Mr. Crispy for the good detective." Maze decided on foregoing the obvious opportunity for mockery and frowning at Lucifer with suspicion instead.

„Then how did you-" The pentecostal coin dropped. „You showed her your wings." It was a statement, not a question.

„More or less", said Lucifer, not meeting her eyes. „I didn't exactly 'show' them, they sort of...popped out by mistake and the detective and her spawn saw them", he explained and held up his hands in defeat.

„By mistake", echoed the demon flatly. „Lucifer, wings don't just 'pop out' by mistake!"

„Well, mine do!", he snapped. „Those blasted things just keep coming back no matter how many times I cut them off! And whenever I'm em-... At some point they'll just randomly" He gestured appropriately. „Always at the most inconvenient of times, naturally!"

Maze raised her eyebrows as high as she could and asked: „Were you going to say 'whenever I'm emotional'?" Lucifer scoffed at this evidently ludicrous notion.

„Preposterous! The Devil doesn't get 'emotional', Maze. Unless we're talking about righteous anger, of course", he conceded.

„Sure, Lucifer. You are totally in control of your... feelings", drawled Maze sarcastically and pursed her lips, giving Lucifer an I-call-bullshit nod. Then she snorted and shook her head.

„What even happened anyway? Is Trix okay?", asked Maze, suddenly alarmed at what feelings the little human might have had towards Lucifer's revelation. She crossed her arms and scowled at him expectantly.

„Yes, yes, the offspring's fine", said Lucifer waving his hand dismissively and walked up to the bar. „It's the detective I'm worried about" He poured himself a scotch and took a distracted sip.

„So what did Chloe say that got you so worked up you popped your wings? I thought things were...well, maybe not great but okay between you two", said Maze. Lucifer took another sip.

„The detective didn't actually _say_ anything, I merely had an involuntary reaction to a... situation", he said evasively. Maze bristled and glared at him.

„ _Lucifer_. Spill the beans. What. Happened?"

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* * *

.

 _„Trixie!", Chloe called, half-amused, half-angry, after having gotten out of the shower only to find that her clothes and the towel she'd put out had vanished from their usual spot atop the laundry basket. A cursory search revealed that all other towels were missing as well._

 _„Did you steal all the towels from the bathroom? Not. Funny. Trixie!", Chloe shouted although she deep down thought it was. Having never been particularly inventive as a child herself she secretly admired how creative her daughter was when it came to April Fools' Day. Still, the little minx deserved a bit of death-by-tickling._

 _She heard someone giggling downstairs._

 _„Oh, you're going to regret this, monkey!", said Chloe loudly, not quite able to stifle a chuckle, and crept towards the stairs as silently as possible. It was a good thing Maze wasn't here, she thought, and then wondered if her roommate had put Trixie up to this. Carefully she snuck down the last few steps, hoping to catch Trixie by surprise._

 _The situation was quite reminiscent of a similar one, almost a year ago, when she had come down here clad in nothing but a towel and a gun thinking a burglar or worse had come into their house; only to find Lucifer making her breakfast. As a matter of course the towel wrapped around her midriff had then decided to come loose and let Chloe flash Lucifer who, unsurprisingly, had not minded in the least. To her eternal regret she'd been too flummoxed and embarrassed to disembowel him on the spot._

 _If thoughts could kill, then whoever had invented the phrase 'speak of the devil' would have died an immediate, retroactive and extremely gruesome death because at the exact moment Chloe was remembering the humiliating episode the front door swung open with a loud bang and Lucifer bloody Morningstar entered the scene; complete with suit, smile and being entirely too cheerful for someone who presumably spent his Saturday nights doing everything but sleeping. He was holding a large paper bag sporting the logo of an expensive nearby bakery._

 _„Detective! Good news, I've brought you breakfast-" He stopped dead in his tracks._

 _Chloe froze._

 _„Lucifer!" Trixie's toothy grin appeared over the armrest of the living room sofa._

 _And all hell broke lose when a pair of enormous, pristine white wings suddenly burst out of Lucifer's back and managed to knock over a chair, a vase and a plant rack all in one go._

 _._

* * *

.

Maze was cracking up.

„Are you serious?", she guffawed. „I don't believe it – all this time and then she finds out because you" She was banging on the bar top now and gasping for air. „Because you see her naked and get a wing-boner! Lucifer – damn, I was so mad at you at first but I take it all back, that's hilarious! I can't wait to tell Amenadiel!"

Maze was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down her face and she had to hold on to the bar in order to not simply topple over and roll on the floor.

„I did not have a – there is no such thing as a 'wing-boner', Maze!", Lucifer yelled and flared up at her to no avail. At this point there was absolutely nothing whatsoever, on either Earth or Hell, that could have curbed Maze's amusement.

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* * *

.

„So you had some kind of... wing-boner?", queried Linda, making circular motions with her hands.

„It was NOT a wing-boner! Why does everybody keep calling it that?", said Lucifer exasperatedly, pacing up and down and running his hands through his hair.

„Well... You did say you saw Chloe naked and then your wings popped out", said Linda as if it were obvious. „I mean, I don't know how this usually works but it very much sounds like a wing-boner to me. "

„ _Wings_ are _not_ erotic appendages, Doctor!" Linda remained silent but her expression spoke volumes about her vehement disagreement with this assessment. „They're...well, bloody wings!", said Lucifer desperately but it was no use. It was a lost battle and he knew it. From this day forward his accidental identity-reveal would forever be known as the great wing-boner incident of 2016.


End file.
